How to Avoid Holding Grudges in Islam: A Practical Guide

Grudges feel righteous. Someone wronged you — maybe seriously — and the resentment you carry feels like the appropriate response to what happened. It feels like justice.

But here is what the Prophet ﷺ said about the person who forgives: "Whoever suffers an injury and forgives the person responsible, Allah will raise his status and help him." (Tirmidhi 2030)

The resentment you hold is not protecting you. It is eroding you from the inside — and it is costing you good deeds, mental peace, and closeness with Allah.

Why Releasing Grudges Is a Spiritual Act in Islam

The Prophet ﷺ pointed to one of the greatest benefits of not holding grudges:

لَا تَحَاسَدُوا وَلَا تَنَاجَشُوا وَلَا تَبَاغَضُوا وَلَا تَدَابَرُوا

"Do not envy one another, do not outbid one another, do not hate one another, and do not turn your backs on one another." — (Sahih Muslim 2563)

Hatred — and grudges are a form of sustained hatred — are explicitly prohibited. The Prophet ﷺ also described Monday and Thursday as days when all deeds are presented to Allah, and Allah forgives except those between whom there is enmity: "Leave these two until they reconcile." (Sahih Muslim 2565)

This means a grudge you hold against another Muslim is actively blocking your forgiveness from Allah — every Monday and Thursday, your deeds are held back because of the resentment you are carrying. This is not a small matter.

Step-by-Step Guide to Releasing Grudges

Step 1: Acknowledge the hurt honestly

Trying to skip to forgiveness without acknowledging the real pain is not Islamic — and it does not work. Start by naming what happened and how it affected you:

• What exactly did this person do?
• What was the consequence for you?
• How long have you been carrying this?

This is not rumination — it is clarity. A defined wound can be healed. Vague accumulated resentment is much harder to address.

Step 2: Separate the hurt from the identity narrative

Grudges grow when the wound to you becomes part of your identity: "I am someone who was betrayed by X." Every time that narrative replays, the resentment is reinforced.

The Islamic alternative: you were wronged in a specific incident. That incident is in the past. It does not define who you are or what your future holds.

Step 3: Make dua for the person who wronged you

This sounds impossible when the resentment is fresh. Do it anyway. Make dua for their guidance, their wellbeing, their akhirah. You do not need to feel it at first — the act of sincerely making dua for someone interrupts the neural patterns of resentment more effectively than any other single technique.

اللَّهُمَّ اهْدِهِمْ وَأَصْلِحْ بَالَهُمْ

"O Allah, guide them and rectify their affairs."

Scholars note that when you genuinely cannot bring yourself to make this dua, that is the clearest sign of how much work remains.

Step 4: Process the wrong without rehearsing it

There is a difference between processing a wound (working through it once with a trusted friend, counsellor, or journaling) and rehearsing it (replaying the wrong repeatedly for weeks and months). The first leads to healing. The second deepens the resentment.

Set a boundary with yourself: discuss or think about this wrong deliberately for a limited time. Then stop.

Step 5: Do not wait for an apology to release the resentment

Waiting for someone else to change before you allow yourself peace is giving them control over your internal state indefinitely. They may never apologise. They may not even know you are hurt. Release the resentment as an act of your own will, for your own sake and for Allah.

Track the Inner Work Daily

DeenBack's daily habit tracker helps you stay consistent with the spiritual practices — dua, dhikr, reflection — that do the inner work of releasing resentment over time.

Free download. Premium features available in-app.

Step 6: Seek reconciliation where appropriate

If the relationship is worth restoring and safety permits, reach out. The Prophet ﷺ specifically described those who initiate reconciliation as the better of the two parties. A simple message — "I wanted to clear the air between us" — can dissolve months of cold tension.

If reconciliation is not safe or appropriate (in cases of serious betrayal, abuse, or persistent harm), forgiveness can be entirely internal. See the FAQ below.

Step 7: Replace resentful thoughts with istighfar and gratitude

When resentful thoughts arise — and they will for a while — have a planned response. Say:

أَسْتَغْفِرُ اللَّهَ

"I seek Allah's forgiveness."

Then consciously recall one thing you are grateful for. This is not denial — it is training the mind to not get snagged on the resentment. Over weeks, the automatic loop of resentful thought loses its grip.

Making It Stick: The Habit Science

The Prophet ﷺ said: "The strong person is not the one who wrestles others down. The strong person is the one who controls themselves when angry." (Sahih Bukhari 6114) Releasing grudges is the long-form version of this strength — self-control sustained over months, not just moments.

The key insight: forgiveness is a practice, not an event. You do not forgive once and feel it immediately. You choose to forgive daily, make dua daily, and over weeks and months, the genuine release comes. Trust the process.

Attach your forgiveness practice to your evening. After Isha, spend two minutes in reflection: is there anyone I am holding resentment toward? Bring them to mind and make dua for them. This regular audit prevents grudges from calcifying silently.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Confusing forgiveness with condoning the wrong. Forgiving does not mean the action was acceptable. It means you are choosing not to let it continue poisoning your heart.

Trying to force the emotion of forgiveness. Forgiveness begins as a decision, not a feeling. Make the decision, act consistently with it (including the dua), and the feeling follows eventually.

Broadcasting your forgiveness. If you tell everyone you have forgiven the person while privately rehearsing the resentment, the performance is not the thing. The internal work is the thing.

Neglecting boundaries. Forgiving someone does not obligate you to re-enter a harmful relationship. Forgiveness and wisdom about what distance to maintain can coexist.

Common Questions

What if the person keeps wronging me? Do I have to keep forgiving? Yes — and the Prophet ﷺ demonstrated this. But forgiving repeatedly does not mean staying in a cycle of harm. You can forgive someone and also remove yourself from the situation where they continue to harm you.

How does Allah's forgiveness connect to me forgiving others? The Prophet ﷺ made this connection directly: in the same Monday-Thursday hadith, Allah withholds forgiveness from those who hold enmity until they reconcile. Your mercy toward others is connected to His mercy toward you.

What about very serious wrongs — abuse, betrayal, injustice? For serious wrongs, forgiveness is a longer process and may require support — a counsellor, a trusted scholar, or both. The Islamic framework supports seeking justice through legitimate means while also doing the internal work of releasing resentment. The two are not mutually exclusive.

How do I stop the resentment from coming back after I thought I had released it? Resentment often resurfaces when you are tired, stressed, or exposed to reminders of the person. When it returns, it is not a sign your forgiveness failed — it is just the wound restimulated. Apply the same tools: dua, redirect, gratitude.

Start Today, Not Tomorrow

The person you hold a grudge against is probably not thinking about you right now. You are carrying this alone.

You do not have to keep carrying it.

Make dua for the person tonight — even if it feels impossible. Even one sentence. That is the start.

See also: how to stop holding grudges Islamically, how to make sincere tawbah, how to ask Allah for forgiveness sincerely.

Do the Inner Work Every Day

DeenBack helps you build the consistent daily practices — dua, dhikr, reflection — that heal what grudges damage over time. Your inner peace is worth the work.

Free download. Premium features available in-app.